Last winter, I took pause….
Not in the way that something was wrong, but with the innate sense that I was working myself at a rate and intensity that was costing a toll and yet still I begged to ask a question, How can I help more? My intuition, for lack of a better word, felt really strongly to be with this pause, and so I did. Perhaps in hopes that something would present itself, direction to focus my energies.
For the first time in 5 or 6 years, I got really still. Like more still than my meditations. Like listening to the waves, eating dinner at 10 just because and walking around barefoot. Those who have seen me in my au natural state on Maui, know what I mean. Oh wait, I forgot to tell you that this was all aligned while I gave myself the permission to be away in Maui, my souls second home.
So what was I pausing from?
I was doing absolutely soul fulfilling stuff, I was driven and focused. I was making impact and growing my reach, had already an established wait list. SO what was the problem? What was my frustration. There probably were a few…
I had this nagging sense that said, “it’s not enough”. Not in the you are not enough way. But in the, there has to be a way to help more, kind of way. That I need to find a strategy to support more people, because no matter what I invest into my clients even if I take care of myself, ist is not enough. The state of our ability to help those with disordered eating, body dissatisfaction and illness is at the best, minimal. It is complex, challenging and nuanced work that we are still trying to understand.
But here is the thing…I feel like I am capable of more and that we all deserve this help and well, I know this to be true.
So what I knew was this:
- I had to do something to give more. I had a sense of what it was and so I dug into discovering and developing a way to facilitate the challenging work that we often do in my office, in a way that those who want and need support might have access to.
- There was a way in which the knowledge and time I have cultivated into my career and more importantly my self healing must be able to reach more in desperate need of it.
I’ll be honest, at first I felt sceptical that I could create anything as authentic as an experience shapes to be in my office…but the more I journeyed on, the more long nights and weekends spent, the more I had this distinct and pressing feeling that I was making something that was going to be pure magic. It made me feel alive. And although I did not do this because of how I wanted to feel, it is a pretty good result and indication as to what was to come, when you have worked so hard to find your sense of worth over the years/decacdes/life and have a propensity to the negative commentary, can I get an amen.
It took me stepping away and allowing myself the permission to pause, to sleep and to come home into my body to access what I was about to create, and that in and of itself was the message that I needed for myself to move forward in this very work and something I would love for you to walk away with. When we align with our truest self, the one that may have wandered over the years, we land exactly as we are supposed to and come home to ourselves and from this place we find our truest expression and freedom.
Guys, I am so excited to share my offering you. It hasn’t been easy, it will be great and I will probably need your help along the way and my hope is that at least a few of you may feel a nagging sense of hope tugging at your heartstrings, but for now, I share with you this..
In those moments of truly coming home to myself, I stepped into the ocean, I let the waves hold me, and I knew that I would be alright, I am held. And so to will you be.
WHAT I WILL LEAVE YOU WITH for now
I think there are many takeaways from this but the one that I encourage you to consider, is what would happen if you gave yourself that space in order to create and build that which you may have always wanted? Maybe it is contemplating what freedom would look like. What healing would be possible? And how it might look?
You know I couldn’t give it all away…Stayed tuned next week on social channels and newsletters to learn what it is I am alluding to.
The journey is neverending, but I look forward to supporting you in yours in the months to come…..