Last winter, I took pause….
Not in the way that something was wrong, but with the innate sense that I was working myself at a rate and intensity that was costing a toll and yet still I begged to ask a question, How can I help more? My intuition, for lack of a better word, felt really strongly to be with this pause, and so I did. Perhaps in hopes that something would present itself, direction to focus my energies.
For the first time in 5 or 6 years, I got really still. Like more still than my meditations. Like listening to the waves, eating dinner at 10 just because and walking around barefoot. Those who have seen me in my au natural state on Maui, know what I mean. Oh wait, I forgot to tell you that this was all aligned while I gave myself the permission to be away in Maui, my souls second home.
So what was I pausing from?
I was doing absolutely soul fulfilling stuff, I was driven and focused. I was making impact and growing my reach, had already an established wait list. SO what was the problem? What was my frustration. There probably were a few…
I had this nagging sense that said, “it’s not enough”. Not in the you are not enough way. But in the, there has to be a way to help more, kind of way. That I need to find a strategy to support more people, because no matter what I invest into my clients even if I take care of myself, ist is not enough. The state of our ability to help those with disordered eating, body dissatisfaction and illness is at the best, minimal. It is complex, challenging and nuanced work that we are still trying to understand.
But here is the thing…I feel like I am capable of more and that we all deserve this help and well, I know this to be true.
So what I knew was this:
- I had to do something to give more. I had a sense of what it was and so I dug into discovering and developing a way to facilitate the challenging work that we often do in my office, in a way that those who want and need support might have access to.
- There was a way in which the knowledge and time I have cultivated into my career and more importantly my self healing must be able to reach more in desperate need of it.
I’ll be honest, at first I felt sceptical that I could create anything as authentic as an experience shapes to be in my office…but the more I journeyed on, the more long nights and weekends spent, the more I had this distinct and pressing feeling that I was making something that was going to be pure magic. It made me feel alive. And although I did not do this because of how I wanted to feel, it is a pretty good result and indication as to what was to come, when you have worked so hard to find your sense of worth over the years/decacdes/life and have a propensity to the negative commentary, can I get an amen.
It took me stepping away and allowing myself the permission to pause, to sleep and to come home into my body to access what I was about to create, and that in and of itself was the message that I needed for myself to move forward in this very work and something I would love for you to walk away with. When we align with our truest self, the one that may have wandered over the years, we land exactly as we are supposed to and come home to ourselves and from this place we find our truest expression and freedom.
Guys, I am so excited to share my offering you. It hasn’t been easy, it will be great and I will probably need your help along the way and my hope is that at least a few of you may feel a nagging sense of hope tugging at your heartstrings, but for now, I share with you this..
In those moments of truly coming home to myself, I stepped into the ocean, I let the waves hold me, and I knew that I would be alright, I am held. And so to will you be.
WHAT I WILL LEAVE YOU WITH for now
I think there are many takeaways from this but the one that I encourage you to consider, is what would happen if you gave yourself that space in order to create and build that which you may have always wanted? Maybe it is contemplating what freedom would look like. What healing would be possible? And how it might look?
You know I couldn’t give it all away…Stayed tuned next week on social channels and newsletters to learn what it is I am alluding to.
The journey is neverending, but I look forward to supporting you in yours in the months to come…..
I am inspired this morning by your awareness and your words as you reach into growth. As I read them I found myself reaching inward as I examined some of my own desires for growth in various areas of my life.
I have a tendency to live towards hope and positive outcomes. Since I was a young teenager I have spoken inwardly to myself and outwardly to others with this phrase:
“Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul and sings a tune without the words and never stops-at all”. Emily Dickinson. There is more to it but the first phrase is poignant and real for me. It was spoken to me by a woman, a mother of five, took me in when had left home and was living on my own at the age of 15.
Last night night before bed I wrote some notes for me to read before I start this new day. . Notes that would consciously remind me of how I desired to start my day. What kind of mindset surrounding body, movement, nourishment and then on into tasks that I wanted to accomplish.
Your blog was timely and much appreciated!
Thank you for your gifts!
Thank you for taking such care in receiving my words and finding your own resonance. Hope is the thing with feathers. Wow. What a beautiful integration of self dialogue.
I am grateful to know of intention filled moments and how they carried you and still do.
To many more, and with much hope
You are where I saw you going the first time we spoke.
I am riveted by seeing this prophecy walk into my own awareness.
I am privileged to be a molecule in this tide.
I am in awe of your life and it’s force.
You are a more than a molecule of the tide, and so much more than enough.
Thank you dear Anne
Wooo Kaaaaaate!! I am so excited to see what you’ve created. You’re such a magical human!
Paige! Aw thank you so so so much! I’m grateful for the support of such incredible people. Much love to you
Much love to you, sister. Waiting with baited breathe for this unveiling.
Thank you so much Hilary. I am so excited to be able to support more people with this. XO