Is she? Is I? If so, then be proud.
Be proud that we have the strength, the voice and the courage to unsettle the settled. The light that can off put people enough to look at their own darkness and cower or lash out.
If she is a nasty woman, then I too am proud to call myself one.
For years I carried around a poem with me. I read it when I needed it. And when it became worn down and ragged, I learned it by heart….
-Excerpt by Marianne Williamson-
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people will not feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates other-
Many times I’ve reflected on these words as they mirrored and both opposed the inner voice in my gut that said I must be less than in order to make others feel comfortable and also to make myself feel so. Truth is, I still often suffer this. I have explored the darkest places in my cells, they are the places that have showed me real strength, they still do. And yet sometimes the light feels so very foreign, daunting. I tried to shrink myself. Not just metaphorically but physically. Shrinking, sizing down, eliminating, dissolving, in order not only to handle the hard spots in our society, but the ones in my head too. But here’s the truth, I could dumb myself, depretty myself, and fully and awesomely put down myself… all of which at some point I have done, and the thing is, I would still make someone feel uncomfortable. Does that disappoint me?! Yes! It absolutely does. But our battle is our own and when we embrace our strength and not minimize ourselves, others follow suit and if thats the point, well then we keep going.
There have been times in my life where my intelligence has felt as though inappropriate in relation to my looks. Or how my quiet and private ways, have been construed as cold. There are many more examples. Will that change me, no. Does that make me a Nasty Woman? maybe. Why? Because I can have it all? I can be it all? I know I’ve worked for it all, and I give it my very all. If that is nasty, then beautiful for us. What a privilege to know that giving your all, giving a shit, waging the wars, and still having a word to say at the end of the day….Well, thats a strong woman right there. And no, strength on a woman is not a B$@#h. That’s a different person. She looks very different. But people can be made comfortable to call her so, that is their problem and not yours.
So which road to move towards? Your body goes where your eyes are pointed. And so I look up, to lightness. To those who bring it, accept it, support it, and thrive in it. Those who do not look at the shadow that is cast as light moves across us. To those who accept the discomfort of their powerful beyond measuredness. If they are the ones that are wrong, than I too will so be.
Powerful beyond measure. Yes, that’s a goal. A goal for myself, that I will hold strong to. And my friends, and family and loved ones, and the little girls walking down the street. You too.
I’m not American. I’m just proud. That there is a Woman with the wherewithal to stand in front of a world pointing fingers and still has something to say at the end of the day. That’s inspiring. Not that she shall be president, nor what she has done in her past, but that she has chosen to be powerful beyond measure, and in doing so, giving us permission to do the same
My name is Kate. Ms Horsman if you’re nasty….( Actually Horsman-Miller, but it doesn’t quite have the same janet jackson effect 😉 )